And the Various Journeys Continue . . .

What A Pity . . .

The New American Militarism . . .

has become the home of the free, the land of the brave has become so enamored of war, so imperial in spirit. This sure isn't the country I fought for in America's longest and most ignoble war, Vietnam, but it is who those of my generation, the chichenhawks, who assiduously avoided fighting in the war of our generation have turned us into.

You know what? It don't mean nuttin' !~!~! Didn't then in the rice paddies of Vietnam as a war warrior. Doesn't now in the rice paddies of Sri Lanka where I'm practicing the art of being a peace warrior. It just is what it is, and my task, to quote one of my favorite quotes about acceptance, " is that "I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes." (formerly page 449 of the Big Book.)

Maybe I will get finally get iit that what really is important is for me to find some peace in living the full and blessed life HOME on Long Island with LovelyLadyLynn, full of Metta, overflowing with Sri . . .

Yeah, that sounds like the ticket. I think I'm ready to do that, to come home and know it for the first time . . .

Healing

 
In completely unexpected ways this time in my life is yielding more healing potential than I would ever have imagined. I am most blessed to be experiencing a confluence of positive forces synergistically flowing through my life, more than I would ever have anticipated. It is hard for me to remember how desperate, how much in despair I have been for most of the past four years since my previous life on Long Island with Sara imploded. I am in a completely new and different place. Out of the chaos and destruction, the incredible death and devastation, of the December 26th Tunami, I was blessed with the magical connection with Lovely Lady Lynn, and a whole new life has emerged for me out of the infinite possibilities of the Kosmos. Our deeply committed love relationship will bring me back home to New York, a possibility completely unforseen.

A decided fringe benefit of moving back to New York is that I will be close to my two adult daughters, Rebecca and Jennifer, who have blessed me with four wonderful grandchildren, Zack, Camden, Josh and Lindsay. I have been mostly estranged from them since I left New York, and when I settled in Tucson in 2002 and coming here across the world to Sri Lanka, my connection with them and the grandchildren became more and more distant. But all that has miraculously been changed.

The other day on my blog I got this moving comment from my eldest daughter, Rebecca, who was born November 16, 1967, when I was in Vietnam.

Hi Dad, Reading the posts about your time with Lynn in that far away place I'll probably never see--like so many other places you've "traveled"--and also your posts preceeding and after her trip, I hear your love and wonder and hope for the future. Something that I've missed so much from you. Getting little glimpses into her and the one brief conversation I had with her, also give me hope that our fragile relationships can be again strengthened. I, too, have great hope for all of us. Stay safe and sane until you come HOME to many new beginnings. With much love from your first daughter--and Bri and the boys.

I spent most of yesterday writing my two daughters this letter of amends: Download an_amends_letter_to_my_daughters.doc It is a fairly long depiction of our relationship and the negative impact my PTSD from Vietnam has had upon it with a recommitment as a result of the relationship with Lynn to radically change for the better our relationship.

When Lynn visited me here in Sri Lanka a couple of weeks ago she brought me a couple of marvelous books by VA psychiatrist Jonathan Shay, Achilles in Vietnam and Odysseus in America that I have been reading voraciously the past several days. Incredibly, earlier this afternoon I came across this passage from Shay:

Some of the men I work with, astonished to be alive now in their early to mid-fifties seem on the verge of finding this ability to be at home, here, now, with their partners, their grown children, and especially grandchildren.

I totally accept now that my healing from Vietnam is intimately tied in to being an active part in the lives of my four grandchildren; indeed, I am most blessed and like that favorite quote of mine from T.S. Elliot, I feel now I can finally come home and know it for the first time.

Imagine Peace Cranes

This is a picture of my "Imagine" poster of the wonderful mosaic from Strawberry Fields in Central Park near the westside 72nd Street entrance near where John was killed coming out of the Dakota. It is one of the places that I most look forward to sharing with Lynn in Central Park in July.

The peace crane is the first one that Lynn made for me. This is what her Peace Activism consists of -- she makes paper Peace Cranes and passes on the story of Sadako Sasaki in her words, "one child at a time." In my heart I believe her simple, quiet peace activism is as effective as my bombastic, travel thousands of miles to a jungle far out in the freakin' bush again "Peace Warrior-shit."

Happy Saturday

Sitting here on my Mutur bed with Starbucks coffee, twitching my toes in contentment, listening to Rod Stewart wail about "You're in my heart and in my soul", chewing on a cinnamon stick and grooving on meNewMojoMacRedux machine, not daunted by the pungent smell of burning garbage in the neighborhood. It does not ignite spasms of dark memories from the other foreign place I lived too long a time in 67-68, when I would smell the burning aftermath of napalm. This is now, that was then and I am in too blessed and grateful a place to be catapulted into what I had no control over then, much less so now.

Besides, though the rigors of reality have challenged us of late as we realize how real and responsible this love of ours is with important issues to deal with and work through, I remain so in love with lovely Lady Lynn, who lights my soul with such joy and promise.

This is the third time I am trying to upload some of the pictures I took of her and what we enjoyed so wonderfully together now a couple of weeks ago. Yesterday, typepad was hit with a denial of service attack by spammers, and the upload times with my meager dial-up took too long. I waited for over 10 minutes to upload one 100K picture, which is not workable so hopefully today shall be different. Lets see:

Not bad, about 45 seconds with 44K dialup. It's doable. Here is my lovely Lady, standing by the most appropriately themed "Honeymoon" sign of the Icebear Guest House in Negombo, a most lovely and fitting place for us to begin our flesh to flesh experience.

This is the lovely patio entrance. Our room was on the left overlooking the dining area where we had two lovely meals and very sumptuous breakfasts. Both evenings we took walks by the Indian Ocean.

Here is the most lovely Lady Lynn as we enjoy one of our wonderful meals. She takes my breath away. And what is even more delightful is that she laughs at my jokes !~!~!

Okay, the final shot of this post, a lovely Lady basking and backlit by a lovely sea and sunset on our first evening together . . .

Will upload this post to see how it works, then will come back later to night with several more shots of our adventures throughout the week in Sri Lanka.

Some Lanka Honeymoon Pics

Finally after several days able to get back to post some of the pictures from our wonderful trip together throughout the Land of Lanka last week. Been a bit frustrating, having to be a a two day workshop in Sigriyia where I wasn't able to connect and then last night when I got home there was no phone connection.

Bujt now I'm connected up on meNewMojoMacRedux, which Lynn brought me, in my bed, oh so lonely, listening to the iPod with twitcy toes, just about as content as a clam in it's shell, though I would much prefer to be home with Lynn with her lying beside me to watch my twitcy toes -- 73 days and a wake up. YES !~!~!

OK, here goes some pics:

I just love this pic of my LadyLynnLove, so full of Metta, so overflowing with Sri . . .

The snake charmer, who was incredibly cool and nonplussed playing with these very dangerous pets.

Gonna post these two and then come back either later tonight or early my morning tomorrow to post several more. Gotta switch machines to net2phone speak with my LadyLove in a bit, and it is time for treacle and buffalo curd . . .

A Couple of Quick Pics

Here is my absolutely lovely Lady Lynn gracing me in my chair in the Mutur Bedroom; she is sitting in the same chair where I sat for the photo in the upper right corner of the blog. Her presence here shall grace me during the long days and especially long nights that I remain in Sri Lanka wending down this particular journey, the last I intend to take alone, until I return home to Long Island:

And here is a shot of one of the elephants we encountered about 50 meters away the road in the bush near the Velgram Vihara temple we visited. The 3-wheeler driver was most anxious about us stopping to take pictures, very nervous the elephant might charge us. Not us, we were fools in love treading delightfully where angels fear!

I have bunches more pictures, mostly of Lovely Lynn that I shall upload, or not, during the next week or so . . .

What a Wonderful Week Plus

It was . . .

Welp, Lynn is gone, our honeymoon in Sri Lanka now a whisper of cherished memory. Our last two days were spent in satorial splendor at the Mt. Lavinia Hotel, a Victorian British Colonial Hotel established in 1806. We stayed in the oldest part of the hotel with incredible parquay floors and woodwork that overlooked the Indian Ocean. Just incredible splendor. Last night during a thunder and lightning rainstorm we sat cool and dry under a palmleafed court about 30 meters off the crashing waves and had a stupendous lobster, king prawn, black promfret and red sea snapper dinnner with all the trimmings, a large rum and coke for Lynn, a large mineral water for me and two cappucinos. The bill came to just over $40.00 -- couldn't get a mediocre diner meal on Long Island for that.

Feel so completely sure of what the relationship truly is, but of course miss her terribly already. It was very lonely driving the long way back to the hotel from the airport this morning after her flight left at 3:00 a.m., and it was terrible sleeping alone again in the bed where we had been so incredibly close. The next 90 or so days until I return home to Long Island will be very hard, maybe harder than I anticipated, but they shall surely, if not slowly pass, and we shall begin our full loving life together. It's already quite an adventure. I've uploaded some 40 pictures of our week together throughout Sri Lanka on meMojoMacRedux, the new Powerbook that Lynn brought me, which I will configure and upload this next week, some of the highlights of our full Sri Lankan experience.

Here is a poem I wrote this morning by the Mt, Lavinia poolside:

Stately Grace

One final glimpse I got of you
standing so tall, so dignified
patiently waiting for the Immigration official
to check and stamp your passport

You brushed a strand of golden hair
out of your beautiful face, then too quickly,
too completely, bag in graceful hand
you walked out of my sight

I pressed my lips against the plexiglass
remembered the smile of your kiss on the other side
and savored how completely your stately grace
moves through my being, so blessed by all of you

Several hours later, I look out across the pool
where yesterday you could not yet teach me to float
watching the grey clouds roll over the grey sea
I anticipate holding all of you again, so deep, so close

April 3, 2005
Mt. Lavinia Hotel

Also this haiku:

Butterfly kisses
Yellow flower drooping low
My heart leaps in joy

I am so incredibly blessed !~!~!